The Nerd vs NC: The Final Battle (Bum script)
Announcer: And now it's time for "Bum Reviews" with Chester A. Bum. Tonight's review: The Final Battle - Angry Video Game Nerd versus Nostalgia Critic. Chester: OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! There's this guy called the Nostalgia Critic. And he's like, "I hate the Angry Video Game Nerd!" And there's a guy called the Angry Video Game Nerd. And he's like, "I don't like the Nostalgia Critic!" And so they're both like, "Let's fight." "Okay!" So, the Nostalgia Critic goes running across a poorly drawn map. And they're like, "Ding-dong!" "Hello?" (Mimics getting punched) "Eugh!" And so they start punching and screaming and punching and screaming. (Mimics getting punched twice, screams twice, repeats this, then does a series of punches.) And then the Nostalgia Critic gets hit into a bunch of boxes. (Mimics slow-mo fall) And he's like, "Who keeps piles of boxes around?!" Which is a very legitimate question. And then they start having a whole argument about boxes! "I like boxes." "I don't like boxes." "I like boxes!" "I don't like boxes!" It was so pointless! It was like "Seinfeld," only it's about even less than nothing! And then they start using really bad words. Which I would tell you which words they used. But I'm a Mormon. And so, Nostalgia Critic gets out his gun and starts shooting him. But the Video Game Nerd has fireballs! I can make fireballs too! All I need is a lighter and a can of beans. You may think that joke is beneath me. But it's not. So, the Video Game Nerd and Nostalgia Critic get out lightsabers. And the Nostalgia Critic accidentally stabs himself in the testimacles! I sure hope his testimacles are okay! I mean, they already have a Nostalgia Chick. I don't think they need two. So, the Video Game comes out as this Super Mega Robo-Geek. And the Nostalgia Critic's like, "I am your brother!" And the Video Game Nerd's like, "No you're not." "You're right." (Mimics shooting) "Boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom!" It looks like the Nostalgia Critic is doomed! But then, he turns into the devil! ...I'm not really sure why. And he shoots lightning bolts at him! I can make lightning bolts too! Except I need a lighter and spaghetti mixed in gasoline. It's a wonderful dish. It looks like the Angry Video Game Nerd is doomed! But then, Super Mega Kablooie Jesus comes out! And he's like, "Fudgers! Fudgers!" Remember: Mormon. And he blows the Nostalgia Critic to kingdom come! It looks like the Nostalgia Critic is doomed! And...he pretty much is. So, the Video Game Nerd walks out with Super Mega Kablooie Jesus. When all of a sudden, the Nostalgia Critic is like, (Raises hand) "Son!" And they're like, "The End?" And I'm like... I don't know! Why don't you tell me? You're the one telling the story! I mean, so... Is that the final battle or what?? I mean, if they do another one, what are they gonna call it? The "second to last final battle?" The "No, wait a minute. We're really serious this time. This really is the final battle?" At the end, the Nostalgia Critic is all bloody and bruised. In the next video he does, he doesn't have a scratch on him! What is he, just a fast healer? And on top of that, he wasn't funny! He's talking about this movie poster guy who made poster--- Who cares?! I think the Angry Video Game Nerd knocked the funny out of him! Give him back his funny, Angry Video Game Nerd! Or there will be Nerd on Bum action! Wow, that sounds gross. Does that mean what I think it's supposed to mean? This is Chester A. Bum saying CHANGE?? Ya got change?! Aw c'mon, help a guy out, will ya?! C'mon, change! I promise I'll give it to the Nostalgia Critic! Can't make him funny without lots of money!